who am i ? where have i been?

i'm always changing and stressing out over the changes but it's inevitable, right? flowers grow trees grow people grow... if they're lucky, that is.

i knew growing up was a thing but i never actually thought that it was something that i would have to deal with it. i grew up thinking that growing up was a very far away, distant thing. and then, all of a sudden, i'm 26. i never consented to this!

we learned recently in my child development class that teenagers literally believe that all of the experiences and feelings in their lives are 100% unique... nobody else in the history of the world has ever felt what they've felt! teenagers also wholeheartedly believe in their own invincibility, really, truly believe in it. i'd give anything to have that confidence back, to be that naive, that open to possibilities.

in life

you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down.

you stay down.

nobody ever warns you about the times when life knocks you down and you can't. get. the fuck. up. honestly, sometimes life knocks your ass down and when you get up, you're different. you just can't go back to the way you were before you were knocked the fuck down, it's not possible. and that's the yucky unfun part about growing up for me. i've lost bits of me and aspects of myself over the years. i've lost friends and houses and pets and towns and family and it's fucking surreal. it really is.

i asked my roommate, vinny, "does it ever stop feeling weird? getting older?" and he laughed and shook his head and replied, "no. no, it doesn't."