1.15.2020
12.05.2016
26
who am i ? where have i been?
i'm always changing and stressing out over the changes but it's inevitable, right? flowers grow trees grow people grow... if they're lucky, that is.
i knew growing up was a thing but i never actually thought that it was something that i would have to deal with it. i grew up thinking that growing up was a very far away, distant thing. and then, all of a sudden, i'm 26. i never consented to this!
we learned recently in my child development class that teenagers literally believe that all of the experiences and feelings in their lives are 100% unique... nobody else in the history of the world has ever felt what they've felt! teenagers also wholeheartedly believe in their own invincibility, really, truly believe in it. i'd give anything to have that confidence back, to be that naive, that open to possibilities.
in life
you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down.
you stay down.
nobody ever warns you about the times when life knocks you down and you can't. get. the fuck. up. honestly, sometimes life knocks your ass down and when you get up, you're different. you just can't go back to the way you were before you were knocked the fuck down, it's not possible. and that's the yucky unfun part about growing up for me. i've lost bits of me and aspects of myself over the years. i've lost friends and houses and pets and towns and family and it's fucking surreal. it really is.
i asked my roommate, vinny, "does it ever stop feeling weird? getting older?" and he laughed and shook his head and replied, "no. no, it doesn't."
i'm always changing and stressing out over the changes but it's inevitable, right? flowers grow trees grow people grow... if they're lucky, that is.
i knew growing up was a thing but i never actually thought that it was something that i would have to deal with it. i grew up thinking that growing up was a very far away, distant thing. and then, all of a sudden, i'm 26. i never consented to this!
we learned recently in my child development class that teenagers literally believe that all of the experiences and feelings in their lives are 100% unique... nobody else in the history of the world has ever felt what they've felt! teenagers also wholeheartedly believe in their own invincibility, really, truly believe in it. i'd give anything to have that confidence back, to be that naive, that open to possibilities.
in life
you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down, you get up, you fall down.
you stay down.
nobody ever warns you about the times when life knocks you down and you can't. get. the fuck. up. honestly, sometimes life knocks your ass down and when you get up, you're different. you just can't go back to the way you were before you were knocked the fuck down, it's not possible. and that's the yucky unfun part about growing up for me. i've lost bits of me and aspects of myself over the years. i've lost friends and houses and pets and towns and family and it's fucking surreal. it really is.
i asked my roommate, vinny, "does it ever stop feeling weird? getting older?" and he laughed and shook his head and replied, "no. no, it doesn't."
7.05.2016
Christopher Kane Versus Versace Fall 2010
I really love the alienesque quality of these dresses. I need something super structured and colorful and metallic in my life right about now, I think.
2.08.2016
Closer To You
i made a song! kinda... this is a rly rough version on my phone, but, hey, it's something creative! hope you enjoy.
LYRICS:
in stressful situations
i need constant stimulation
to keep me from destroying myself
and my entire life is
a stressful situation
imploding in on itself
i'm sorry for being aloof
i just learned not to
expose my
vulnerabilities
so I climb on the roof
and get too drunk
cus it's more comfortable
not giving a fuck
not giving a fuck
pour me another shot so
i can feel closer to you (x3)
i spent years of my life
asleep on other people's couches
trying to figure out
why my nails are bitten down
and why i feel like i'm
not in control of myself
i'm sorry for being aloof
i just learned not to
expose my
vulnerabilities
so i climb on the roof
and i drink too much
cus it's more comfortable
not giving a fuck
not giving a fuck
pour me another shot so
I can feel closer to you (x3)
i wore the same jeans for a couple of months
avoided the cracks in the sidewalk
we fed ants in the street
in the sweet summer heat
little johnny and me
until he stomped them.
i couldn't stop him.
sorry for being aloof
i just learned not to
expose my
vulnerabilities
so i climb on the roof
and get too drunk
cus it's more comfortable
not giving a fuck
not giving a fuck
pour me another shot so
i can feel closer to you (x3)
11.16.2015
Outfit #01
I hardly ever post outfit pics, which is something I'm trying to work on. The problem is that I'm too tall to fit in my webcam, which means I'm going to have to break my camera out at some point, and I'm just so lazy u_u plus I always forget to charge the battery. I always ALWAYS forget to charge things, everything.
I'm also thinking of taking pics of all my clothes so I can post outfit details. Is that crazy? Probably, but then again, so am I.
In this pic I'm wearing my black leggings w/some tights underneath to keep warm, because it's finally somewhat chilly in Southern California, and my bright yellow fuzzy socks. Underneath my oversized jean shirt w/crayons on the pocket I have on a comfortable and old black and white striped crop top that I'm very fond of. I didn't wash my hair for like, 5 days so I just braided it and piled it on top of my head, a very popular look I've come to realize. I constantly get complimented on this hairstyle even though it's the laziest thing I know how to do. Gooo figure. The only makeup I'm wearing is some foundation and my NYX bright red matte lipstick because it was actually like 7 something in the morning and I was on my way to a Dr.'s appointment and who has time to really do their makeup at 7 something in the morning? unless you're a Superwoman, which is SO not the case for me.
Anyhow, hope your week is going alright so far!
10.26.2015
things i need in order to become more successful creatively
- a new computer: my computer just died, sadly. or is in the process of dying. it's an old laptop and it barely ran anyway but still... super depressing!
I know... it seems like a lot, and it is. I'm mostly wondering if anyone has any suggestions or tips on how to acquire some or all of the above in a cost effective manner. If you have any suggestions, please, let me know! I have no idea what kind of computer to buy, or phone, or tablet, or art pens. I NEED HELP and I'm not afraid to admit it. So, internet... please help me. If you have a favorite pen for inking, let me know. If you think copic markers are a ripoff because ________ has cheaper ones and are essentially the same, leave a comment. If you know where to find reasonably priced printer ink, holla@me. I would really appreciate it. Hope everyone is having a nice day!
8.25.2015
why?
an airplane droned across the sky
a small white line appearing through the blinds
you told me that you could always predict good days
and tried to make my bad ones better
sweater weather brought us together but
i never felt romantically inclined i never wanted to
kiss you
but i wanted to be close i needed
someone to love me
my frizzy hair like a halo in the light
my lipstick stains on cigarettes
i never meant for it to be serious i just liked drinking
and driving and talking and laughing and dancing and doing
basically everything with you
we were never together so we could never break up but
when you stopped hanging around i felt like something was
broken something was really wrong
we cried together and held hands and you
clung to me in the night and
came to me in the pouring rain with cookies and hot chocolate
i'll never forget us even though
i'm just a lipstick smudge in your memory now
and probably not even
that
a small white line appearing through the blinds
you told me that you could always predict good days
and tried to make my bad ones better
sweater weather brought us together but
i never felt romantically inclined i never wanted to
kiss you
but i wanted to be close i needed
someone to love me
my frizzy hair like a halo in the light
my lipstick stains on cigarettes
i never meant for it to be serious i just liked drinking
and driving and talking and laughing and dancing and doing
basically everything with you
we were never together so we could never break up but
when you stopped hanging around i felt like something was
broken something was really wrong
we cried together and held hands and you
clung to me in the night and
came to me in the pouring rain with cookies and hot chocolate
i'll never forget us even though
i'm just a lipstick smudge in your memory now
and probably not even
that
8.24.2015
A doodle a day
I'm trying to keep creating even though at times its a struggle for me, unfortunately. Going outside helps. I've been reading books more, too. I hope I can keep this attitude up for at least a little bit ~
6.08.2015
Sweet Summer
Sweet Summer by mutantlizardgirl
To be fair, this isn't a very functional outfit if you actually plan on, you know, riding the skateboard, but in my imagination this person has a pair of vans in their backpack jussssst in case.
I entered some contest on polyvore and the theme was "bright summer dresses" ! I mean, I think I captured the essence of summer in this set. At the very least, a dress can't get much brighter than this one. I don't think I'll win or anything, I just felt like doing something creative and it's 4 in the morning so I didn't want to have to think about it. Polyvore is so soothing in the sense that you can fit colors and shapes together in any way imaginable. Everyone should make a polyvore and add me! Now I really do need to go to bed !!!
To be fair, this isn't a very functional outfit if you actually plan on, you know, riding the skateboard, but in my imagination this person has a pair of vans in their backpack jussssst in case.
I entered some contest on polyvore and the theme was "bright summer dresses" ! I mean, I think I captured the essence of summer in this set. At the very least, a dress can't get much brighter than this one. I don't think I'll win or anything, I just felt like doing something creative and it's 4 in the morning so I didn't want to have to think about it. Polyvore is so soothing in the sense that you can fit colors and shapes together in any way imaginable. Everyone should make a polyvore and add me! Now I really do need to go to bed !!!
6.05.2015
6.04.2015
gIRL
gIRL by mutantlizardgirl
It's been awhile since I've posted about #fashun on this blog. I guess I was depressed? Or uninspired? Self conscious? I stopped taking pics of myself and I completely stopped making things? I guess that's the way it goes when you have depression! Anyhow, I've been drawing more and making things and getting dressed so that's really good! And now I can post more about my silly polyvore sets that I make.
I'm terrible at giving things relevant titles. When I imagine the gIRL who would wear this, I think of a tough chick who listens to twee and who goes to shows a lot? Of course, everything I create is something that I would wear so I suppose this gIRL is an alter ego of mine... a self that has $$$ cash money $$$. I'm trying to accumulate more of a wardrobe. I don't really look good in those saggy boyfriend jeans that are SO COOL right now which is a bummer cause when people pull it off it really does look SO COOL and laid back and chill. I wanna be laid back and chill, wtf. I'm tall and big so it's hard enough just finding pants, let alone aesthetically pleasing hip cool guy pants!
I'm thinking of opening up an online shop to sell junk that I find since I see so many people online doing it seemingly successfully? So, pretty soon I hope to open up a store. My plan is to use the money I make selling clothes for buying clothes, that way I have some kind of disposable income. Similarly, I want to try selling my artsy fartsy stuff so I can have fundS to make more artsy farsty stuff. If anyone has any advice on this subject and would be willing to help me out, please, feel free to comment or even send me an email!
Oh, and another thing, I'm going to be redoing the look of my blog soon. Idk to what yet but all of my image links are breaking and I'm kindof over the scrolling, dizzying floral background. If you have any thoughts or ideas or opinions, let me know in the comments!
ANYHOO, what do you think of this lOOK? I just want to keep making things to make things, like Andy Warhol said, just make more art, let other people decide if they like it or not!
It's been awhile since I've posted about #fashun on this blog. I guess I was depressed? Or uninspired? Self conscious? I stopped taking pics of myself and I completely stopped making things? I guess that's the way it goes when you have depression! Anyhow, I've been drawing more and making things and getting dressed so that's really good! And now I can post more about my silly polyvore sets that I make.
I'm terrible at giving things relevant titles. When I imagine the gIRL who would wear this, I think of a tough chick who listens to twee and who goes to shows a lot? Of course, everything I create is something that I would wear so I suppose this gIRL is an alter ego of mine... a self that has $$$ cash money $$$. I'm trying to accumulate more of a wardrobe. I don't really look good in those saggy boyfriend jeans that are SO COOL right now which is a bummer cause when people pull it off it really does look SO COOL and laid back and chill. I wanna be laid back and chill, wtf. I'm tall and big so it's hard enough just finding pants, let alone aesthetically pleasing hip cool guy pants!
I'm thinking of opening up an online shop to sell junk that I find since I see so many people online doing it seemingly successfully? So, pretty soon I hope to open up a store. My plan is to use the money I make selling clothes for buying clothes, that way I have some kind of disposable income. Similarly, I want to try selling my artsy fartsy stuff so I can have fundS to make more artsy farsty stuff. If anyone has any advice on this subject and would be willing to help me out, please, feel free to comment or even send me an email!
Oh, and another thing, I'm going to be redoing the look of my blog soon. Idk to what yet but all of my image links are breaking and I'm kindof over the scrolling, dizzying floral background. If you have any thoughts or ideas or opinions, let me know in the comments!
ANYHOO, what do you think of this lOOK? I just want to keep making things to make things, like Andy Warhol said, just make more art, let other people decide if they like it or not!
4.15.2015
i won't even make excuses about not posting anymore. i just... don't. lack of motivation, probably. i finished all of glee that's on netflix, tho.
that's important.
(':
today i actually rode my BIKE through the PARK on my way to buy crap from my work. i contemplated bringing a camera w/me of some kind, but i psyched myself out thinking i was going to lose or break it, so i left everything at home except for my backpack, wallet, ipod and headphones. it was an interesting ride, to say the least. i put on a cute outfit (well, imo? it was simple, but spring-y. i should've taken pics but i never take pics because AWKWARD)
i was listening to music and cruising through the park when i saw this old guy who had come into my work the other day to buy stuff just sitting on the grass by the side of the road, under some measly baby trees. he's in a wheelchair, and as i rolled up to where he was sitting, it became apparent that he was homeless. we talked for a second, he told me his name was larry, and he asked me if i could bring him back some orange and grape soda, from big lots. i agreed, of course. he tried to give me some money but i was like, c'mon dude. i'm not gonna make you pay for some soda, i got it. i promised to return w/the soda and went on my way.
everyone complimented my colorful hat when i went in, which was super nice since most of my friends have been telling me that it's a "grandma hat" which should've stayed at the kmart for all eternity, where it belongs. i bought the soda and my other junk and some water for the dude because ... guy, you gotta hydrate... you can't just have soda all day. you know? and then i immediately rode the soda/water down to him and gave him the 5 bucks i had in cash in my pocket (which was covered in weird pocket sweat and prly gross but what's a girl 2 do) and told him to come by biglots sometime to let me know how he was doing. i wish i could've moved him somewhere better to sleep... he was trying to set up a tent right where he was sitting and i knew right away that he would be chased out of there by some cops sooner or later... but there really isn't a good spot for a disabled homeless man in a wheelchair to set up camp anywhere nearby, so, idk. i was on my bike and carrying shit so there's not much i could've done, plus i was alone w/a random dude, that always sketches me out. i guess i'm just going to worry about him for a bit.
the wind was really nice and i rode through the streets jamming to my tunes and it was alright.
that's important.
(':
today i actually rode my BIKE through the PARK on my way to buy crap from my work. i contemplated bringing a camera w/me of some kind, but i psyched myself out thinking i was going to lose or break it, so i left everything at home except for my backpack, wallet, ipod and headphones. it was an interesting ride, to say the least. i put on a cute outfit (well, imo? it was simple, but spring-y. i should've taken pics but i never take pics because AWKWARD)
i was listening to music and cruising through the park when i saw this old guy who had come into my work the other day to buy stuff just sitting on the grass by the side of the road, under some measly baby trees. he's in a wheelchair, and as i rolled up to where he was sitting, it became apparent that he was homeless. we talked for a second, he told me his name was larry, and he asked me if i could bring him back some orange and grape soda, from big lots. i agreed, of course. he tried to give me some money but i was like, c'mon dude. i'm not gonna make you pay for some soda, i got it. i promised to return w/the soda and went on my way.
everyone complimented my colorful hat when i went in, which was super nice since most of my friends have been telling me that it's a "grandma hat" which should've stayed at the kmart for all eternity, where it belongs. i bought the soda and my other junk and some water for the dude because ... guy, you gotta hydrate... you can't just have soda all day. you know? and then i immediately rode the soda/water down to him and gave him the 5 bucks i had in cash in my pocket (which was covered in weird pocket sweat and prly gross but what's a girl 2 do) and told him to come by biglots sometime to let me know how he was doing. i wish i could've moved him somewhere better to sleep... he was trying to set up a tent right where he was sitting and i knew right away that he would be chased out of there by some cops sooner or later... but there really isn't a good spot for a disabled homeless man in a wheelchair to set up camp anywhere nearby, so, idk. i was on my bike and carrying shit so there's not much i could've done, plus i was alone w/a random dude, that always sketches me out. i guess i'm just going to worry about him for a bit.
the wind was really nice and i rode through the streets jamming to my tunes and it was alright.
2.27.2015
outfit post!
I don't normally get dressed, mainly because the only time I ever leave my house is to go to work @ Big Lots and we're required to wear uniforms, so, no creativity for me )o: !
I had today, off, though, so I decided to put on an outfit. It felt good, I miss doing it, I miss getting to dress up and wear cute skirts and blue lipstick. I truly h8 working sometimes, it sucks all the fun out of LIFE working for the MAN, man!!! UGH! But at least I can afford to buy things like thrifted blue hi-waisted skirts and cool socks, otherwise I'd be really, really depressed about life.
Nothing puts me in a better mood than a well coordinated outfit. Nothing. In fact, I was trying to post more selfies this year in an attempt to capture all of my crazy outfits, but as usual I flaked out almost instantly due to my anxiety. I really have to push myself to keep posting! And taking pics! And documenting life! And drawing! Because it helps make me feel better about things. When Jeff gets back from driving, he's going to help me learn how to use his cameras, that way I can actually make outfit posts on this blog finally! I'm pretty excited about that.
Anyhow, I hope to someday post a selfie a day! That's my goal. I love going back and looking @ old pics, but I h8 taking pics, so it's definitely something I have to work on to be more comfortable w/posting current photos. I am kinda weird I suppose. My belief is that owning a smart phone might make it easier for me to document my life but we won't know until my tax return comes in and I buy my new phone !!! now, will we? Which I am also stoked about because I feel like a total old freak for not being constantly tuned into social media like everyone else! I just wanna fit it, Mom!
Alright, I'm pretty much done now. I just wanted to let you guys know that I totally plan on posting here way more often this year, starting... now!
Anyhow, I hope to someday post a selfie a day! That's my goal. I love going back and looking @ old pics, but I h8 taking pics, so it's definitely something I have to work on to be more comfortable w/posting current photos. I am kinda weird I suppose. My belief is that owning a smart phone might make it easier for me to document my life but we won't know until my tax return comes in and I buy my new phone !!! now, will we? Which I am also stoked about because I feel like a total old freak for not being constantly tuned into social media like everyone else! I just wanna fit it, Mom!
Alright, I'm pretty much done now. I just wanted to let you guys know that I totally plan on posting here way more often this year, starting... now!
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